Don’t Scare Fear Out

Why does fear have to exist?: a question that can only be answered by no one, perhaps only by the Almighty One.

I imagine how hard of a time my mother would have to bear if I was born with a lion’s heart. Even when I was a kid, I was oozing with curiosity, probably spawning from my innate lack of fear for the unknown. If I was a bit braver, mom’s hair would have been graying out early, balding even.

Good thing the bundle of joy they received came pre-packaged with Acrophobia and Nyctophobia.

The dark was the only thing I was not curious about. I always felt that a monster or any demon spawn would grab me by the leg and drag me to hell; accumulated instinct from watching too much horror films. Meanwhile for heights, it just came out of nowehere.

In a parallel world, where the dark is just a form of blindness and heights are but elevation, my friends would not have enjoyed seeing me scream like a girl. Without my phobias, I would have been out in the dark pranking people instead of hiding under my mom’s skirt and up on the top of the sand hill throwing rocks at smaller kids.

So in a bizarre form of intervention, my fears actually saved my innate sense of humor into crossing over douchebag territory. They became my regulator, always reminding me to deflate back down to earth.

Up until now, I still get lapses of my childhood demons. They occassionally bug me from time to time; during blackouts and overpass encounters.

And strangely,  I thank them for being there.

Like how trees, mountains and rivers are placed where they are, fear exists for a reason. Though we may not know why, we should still thank it for contributing into keeping the world balanced.

 

 

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It’s midnight

And my eyes won’t shut

The air is filled with deafening silence

It seems as the night is telling me

To open my eyes just a little longer

And enjoy its beauty

Back to Basics

There’s something beautiful about the way

The stars shine in the misty night

While you’re there waiting by the bay

Waiting for someone to share them with you tonight

 

I sort of forgot how much better everything is by the secluded sea. No cellular signal, no internet connection, no tech; just me and the whispering waves enveloped by the starlight.

It’s been two years since I last went here. In those two years, I have been subject to the hustle and bustle of life. Everything went like a blur that I wished I had a giant button.

Now I have returned to my slice of paradise; a place where the folk songs I constantly to are made of. Waves of nostalgia crash upon me as I take a step on this cradle of barefoot heaven once more. And as the cold night breeze greets me as I write this under the stars, one thing has been established in my heart.

I have found tranquility again.

A Journey Into The Center of the Ambitious Mind

Yes, I do admit, maybe I dream too big for my own good.

Ambition is actually a good thing. It fuels anyone’s fire and drives them to push further. Just the mere thought of reaching those dreams you once thought untouchable can give someone the chills. Of course, everyone wants to win at this game we call life.

However, like all good things, too much of it can kill you. Too much fuel in your tank can give you a false sense of power, as though you were unstoppable and untouchable. Once you drive too fast and overshoot everything, you’ll fall of the edge and land someplace where fallen dreams are made of.

And we call that place the ruins.

When most people crash there, some tend to go awry and question themselves. Some fall into withdrawal, depression and in some cases, turn to suicide for answers. Taking this path is like sending everyone and everything a big, resounding FML*.

But then again, they should really be thankful that they still have one.

There is another road however that is less taken. This road is reserved only for the strong of heart, who are ready to leave the past behind and start from square one with hopes that they find a happier ending for them. They are reborn like phoenixes who are born from the ashes, even more beautiful as before every time.

And I sure hope I’ll be able to take the latter path.

 

 

*FML – F— my Life

 

 

 

“Enhancing” the beauty of Filipino noses

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(c) NoseBrace Facebook Page

There’s a saying that “If it’s not broke, why fix it?” So, what’s there to enhance in the Filipino nose? What’s the point of spending ₱700 on a “nose brace”?

Is it because your nose too flat?

Is it because it is not as chiseled and pointed as those of celebrity noses?

Or is it because we don’t feel as beautiful?

It’s sad what lengths some people will go to just to achieve the conventional views of beauty.

So I overheard these Grade 6-looking girls talking…

…and why wouldn’t I? With their individually loud voices put together and sounding like a show choir for the deaf, it would be hard not to hear them even if there is an equally loud basketball game ongoing nearby. And though I don’t really like eavesdropping or ear-splitting, unbelievably irritating and loud young girls, they entertained me in the most annoying way possible.

 

I was at the ihaw-ihaw, buying me some fish for dinner. Even from afar, I heard four baby bra-wielding, freakishly-vexing and obnoxiously shrill girls. I quickly shuffled away since I know they were gonna occupy the storefront.

 

And the long wait for the fish to be put on the grill became a trial, I couldn’t help but listen to their conversations. Some of their  infuriatingly hilarious lines include:

 

*holding phone* Tawagan ko crush mo, ikaw kumausap

Other girl: Eehh, nahihiya ako *grabs phone*

 

*whispering* Si James at si Mia daw magka-holding hands sa court. HALA

 

Alam ko na buong pangalan ni Fourth! OMG ANG GWAPO NYA TALAGA (which I admit, kinda surprised me since they weren’t gushing about the overtly hyped Manolo)

 

Ok lang yan girl, may mga mas pogi pa naman kay James eh.

 

But what cracked me up the most was this line:

 

Mag-katulong na lang kaya tayo. Tingnan nyo. Si Maya, nagkatulong, nagka-lovelife. Si Eya, nagkatulong, nagka-lovelife. Si Chichay, nagkatulong, may lovelife na din!

 

And that was when I understood how powerful the influence of pointless. plot-less TV shows and Movies really was.

 

I pity these children, actually.

 

Thoughts?

I’ve always embraced being unusual
There’s something about screwing stereotypes that I enjoy a lot
But the harsh reality is that judgement will come when you’re bizarre
At worst, people you love can’t accept who you are
And that has got to be the most painful part

Sometimes, being different sucks

I always wonder how things work or why people act the way they do. After a long time of staring, I start to look at things at different angles and in their perspective. Darn, if you gave me a dollar for all the times I spent doing just that, then I’d probably be a millionaire. Most of the time, others think I judge and/or get creeped out.

But in some cases, I get nothing.

I try my best to figure out certain people, events or things but some of them just are too complex, different, or just plain unpredictable.

Maybe that’s why sometimes, I don’t get myself either.

But then again, I should probably let them be. As much as I hate clichés, the age-old saying, “Everything happens for a reason” is right. Maybe some things happen the way they are supposed to be, like why your Math class always get stuck in siesta hours or why Dan Humphrey is Gossip Girl (seriously, what the hell?) or why Mother died in HIMYM’s finale (that was just heartbreaking) Maybe life is just sometimes plain ridiculous it works. Accepting this may probably be the cure to some people’s nuisances or frustrations.

And I could use a little dose of it myself.

Things currently running through my mind

– Why the hell am I staring at this wall
– Quiapo was really packed today
– I should not have wet my hair
– My SIP = probs not happening
– The little girl next door should really stop singing “Let It Go” she’s been going on for like, half an hour now
– Will I ever experience RSPC/NSPC again
– My writing’s getting rusty
– I miss Mindoro
– I really want cake
– Wow this wall is actually the same color as my favorite shirt
– I hope CJ Harris leaves AI next and Jena wins
– Calvin Harris’ “Summer” is really good
– So is Zedd’s “Find You”
– And so is Amber Riley’s “Colourblind”
– As well as Ed Sheeran’s “Sing”
– And even that annoying “#SELFIE” anthem
– I wanna take swimming class or attend a workshop or just do something worthwhile
– I haven’t submitted my Potions essay yet (I attend Hogwarts online at hogwartsishere.com; it’s really cool)
– Wow I’m gonna be a senior this upcoming school year
– I can’t wait for Maleficient
– My legs are itchy
– Will I do good/redeem myself this upcoming school year
– This summer is so unproductive
– Why the hell am I staring at this wall

I really need to think less.

I kind of love the concept of headlights and how they look at night. Whenever it gets dark and creepy, all you have to do is turn them on and you can be sure that you’ll find your way out of the dark. 

It’s like a metaphor on how we handle ourselves when we get stuck between a rock and a hard place. When your lights are open and your hopes are up, you will always get through  hard times.

And right now, I think my headlights are broken.